Parenthood

DIARY OF A DESPONDENT MUM

Went to work, acted as if nothing abnormal was going to happen in my life, arrived home approx. 1.20p.m., ironed my best dress, I wanted to look good for them. I phoned and I heard an excited voice at the other end, "We are on our way, see you there".

We left home at 3.10p.m., lots of traffic, text message from them at 4.40, they had arrived and wanted to know what time we were expected. I phoned their mobile and told them that we were approx. 17 miles away but had hit a traffic jam and would be with them as soon as possible. Throughout the journey I was reminding myself of the things I wanted to tell them, everything I had thought of in the last few days that were important. I wish I had made a list, mental reminders in my state of mind were hopeless.

We arrived at 5.40p.m., for once we parked easily in the huge car park. I phoned and told them that we had arrived and they said they would wait outside for us. We looked over the roof of the car park and saw them; we waved and shouted hysterically until we were seen. We followed all the directions but still got lost and 20 minutes later found them about to arrange for a search party for us.

My oldest boy had driven them and was pretending to be cool and nonchalant and 'older brotherish' and all we wanted to do deep down was hug and kiss them. We spent two hours with them, chatting calmly about the places they wanted to see, things they wanted to do. We sat in a bar, we pretended to the barman that our 10 year old was 14 and he proudly sat with us but got a clip round the ear when he asked for a pint. He got a coke!! Neal appeared very anxious and unsure of what they were about to do, Ruth was as calm and laid back as ever, everything was under control she assured us. I believed her and could feel the excitement exuding from her. Neal had a couple of pints and became more relaxed, he became the jovial boy I was used to, he became less tense but I was still convinced he was terrified of what was ahead. Whilst chatting I was aware that all of us were surreptitiously clock watching and as the hands drew nearer to 8p.m. I could feel the tears rising in my eyes. I was determined not to cry, not to leave them a final picture of Mum sobbing - I wanted them to remember me happy for them, delighted at what they were about to do.

8p.m. struck and we got up and hustled them unceremoniously out of the bar into what I called The Twilight Zone, the area that we finally had to leave them, somewhere I could not go. We hugged, kissed and I sobbed silently, youngest son sobbed loudly, big brother pretended he had something in his eye and Dad became very silent and grinned. We took four photographs, arms around each other, as if superglued together but we knew that we had to let them go. They left us at 8.05p.m., waving bravely to us as they disappeared through the security curtain and I had got as near possible to them before the guard took over and gently guided me away from passport control. My son and his lovely young wife vanished from our view for at least a year to backpack through Australia and any other parts of the world that took their fancy.

Oldest son, youngest son, Dad and I dashed to Burger King (we had not eaten all day) purchased 4 burgers and were lifted upstairs to the roof of Terminal 3 Car Park at Heathrow. We watched, we waited for the 8.30p.m. U.A.E. departure flight to Sydney, we saw Virgin, BA, RyanAir etc., each plane we scrutinized and squinted at and said "Not them" and finally at 9p.m. we saw the familiar insignia of UAE gliding along the tarmac and suddenly it soared into the rosy, evening sky and took my son and his wife away from us for at least a year. They had left on their adventure of a lifetime and we were left behind to walk disconsolately back to our cars and the long, dismal journey home.

Since then, one long week ago, we have had 4 e-mails and the eagerly awaited phone call. They are having a wonderful time, Singapore was glorious and now are in Sydney having the time of their young lives. Wonderful beaches, palm trees and parrots flying around them as if they were sparrows, flying off to Brisbane next week, then Hervey County and Fraser Island for some snorkeling and then the Great Barrier Reef with all its hidden delights.

My only fear is that they will never return and if they do it may only be for a short visit and then off again - and who would blame them, not me, but we feel as if a piece of our jig-saw is missing and until they return it will never be complete again.

by Dee Harvey

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